by making the 'sickness" of the eyelids explicit and deleting the simile, achieves an appealing balance between the two motifs: he lent me the sickness of his eyelids" and Ire burdened we with the weight of his buttocks"; the strict parallelism is marred by the necessary insertion of mina I-hated without which the meaning of the line would be obscure; less intruding is the replacement of 'buttocks.'