481
00:23:20,142 --> 00:23:21,810
May you-
482
00:23:21,894 --> 00:23:23,687
Sorry, Roderick.
483
00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:25,688
Every family has
a sick grandmother,
484
00:23:25,771 --> 00:23:27,565
and Granny C just happens to be
485
00:23:27,647 --> 00:23:29,524
really old and really scary.
486
00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:31,818
Stop! Mother deserves
some respect,
487
00:23:31,901 --> 00:23:33,360
not to be treated like a leper.
488
00:23:33,444 --> 00:23:36,614
Despite her grotesque skin disease.
489
00:23:40,365 --> 00:23:42,659
Dessert, Roderick?
490
00:23:43,910 --> 00:23:44,827
Are you decent?
491
00:23:44,911 --> 00:23:46,913
Absolutely!
492
00:23:49,956 --> 00:23:51,666
Dessert, Roderick?
493
00:23:53,375 --> 00:23:56,253
Oh. Uh...
494
00:23:56,336 --> 00:23:58,096
You asked if I was decent.
You didn't ask if-
495
00:23:58,128 --> 00:24:01,548
Yes, my roommate in college
always used to do that gag.
496
00:24:01,632 --> 00:24:02,841
It plays better with you.
497
00:24:02,924 --> 00:24:03,841
Lots.
498
00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:06,594
Believe it or not,
you did pretty good tonight.
499
00:24:06,676 --> 00:24:07,886
Great.
500
00:24:07,969 --> 00:24:09,679
That old bear down the hall
501
00:24:09,763 --> 00:24:11,932
is going to be simply crushed
when we break up.
502
00:24:12,014 --> 00:24:14,141
You know, your father
seems pretty serious
503
00:24:14,224 --> 00:24:16,601
about the separate bedroom edict.
504
00:24:16,684 --> 00:24:20,104
The greater the danger,
the greater the thrill.
505
00:24:20,187 --> 00:24:22,272
That's what I say.
506
00:24:22,355 --> 00:24:24,065
Give me five minutes.
507
00:24:24,148 --> 00:24:26,609
I'm two doors down to the left.
508
00:24:26,691 --> 00:24:29,277
Some guys have this annoying habit
of stopping to ask me
509
00:24:29,361 --> 00:24:31,863
if they're boinking me too hard.
510
00:24:31,946 --> 00:24:34,573
Don't ask and don't stop.
511
00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:37,742
Foreplay's for losers.
512
00:24:39,451 --> 00:24:40,577
Hmm.
513
00:24:40,661 --> 00:24:42,704
Better make that three minutes.
514
00:24:42,787 --> 00:24:44,372
Yeah.
515
00:25:27,445 --> 00:25:29,990
Oh... yes.
516
00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:33,993
What's going on in there?
517
00:25:46,293 --> 00:25:48,503
Ooh, who died?
518
00:25:48,587 --> 00:25:51,339
It's all right, Roderick.
519
00:25:51,422 --> 00:25:53,966
Mother prayed for
this day many times.
520
00:25:54,048 --> 00:25:56,551
She's at peace now.
521
00:25:56,634 --> 00:25:58,928
She can keep my son company.
522
00:25:59,011 --> 00:26:01,096
Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy!
523
00:26:01,180 --> 00:26:05,809
Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry.
524
00:26:05,892 --> 00:26:08,019
- You must really-
- Yeah, whatever.
525
00:26:08,101 --> 00:26:10,353
She was ancient
and my brother was a jerk.
526
00:26:10,436 --> 00:26:12,354
What was with you last night?
527
00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:13,564
Why didn't you come?
528
00:26:13,647 --> 00:26:14,940
Come?
529
00:26:15,023 --> 00:26:16,357
With your father
barging in like that,
530
00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:17,762
didn't really leave a lot of time
531
00:26:17,775 --> 00:26:19,819
for either one of us
to hit the jackpot.
532
00:26:19,902 --> 00:26:21,612
You know, as they say,
533
00:26:21,695 --> 00:26:22,895
if at first you don't succeed,
534
00:26:22,904 --> 00:26:24,947
try, try again.
535
00:26:25,031 --> 00:26:25,865
What are you talking about?
536
00:26:25,948 --> 00:26:27,241
Why didn't you come to my room?
537
00:26:27,324 --> 00:26:28,450
I didn't see you at all.
538
00:26:28,533 --> 00:26:29,784
I guess it was
pretty dark, but-
539
00:26:29,868 --> 00:26:31,161
Mother had the strangest,
540
00:26:31,243 --> 00:26:33,204
sweetest, little smile on her face.
541
00:26:33,287 --> 00:26:35,289
I'm convinced that her last moments
542
00:26:35,371 --> 00:26:38,082
on this mortal coil
were ones of pleasure.
543
00:26:39,458 --> 00:26:40,959
When you said
two doors to the left,
544
00:26:41,043 --> 00:26:42,878
did you mean
your left or my left?
545
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,545
What are you talking-
546
00:26:44,629 --> 00:26:47,632
I don't know, I guess
it was my left. Why?
547
00:26:50,966 --> 00:26:53,928
Granny C happens to be
really old and...
548
00:26:54,011 --> 00:26:57,097
C. as in Cynthia,
as in Cynthia Rose,
549
00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:58,973
as in number 31 on your list,
550
00:26:59,056 --> 00:27:02,017
as in there's more than one, dipshit!
551
00:27:02,099 --> 00:27:04,185
You fucked my mother!
552
00:27:20,948 --> 00:27:23,492
And if you were to put
your hand on the bun...
553
00:27:25,368 --> 00:27:27,954
I raced home to tell Fiona everything.
554
00:27:28,036 --> 00:27:29,329
Okay, not everything.
555
00:27:29,412 --> 00:27:30,705
Not anything.
556
00:27:30,788 --> 00:27:32,331
What woman, a week
before her wedding,
557
00:27:32,414 --> 00:27:34,583
wants to hear about
some crazy list of women?
558
00:27:34,666 --> 00:27:36,751
Not to mention, I mean
really not to mention,
559
00:27:36,835 --> 00:27:38,169
her future husband's involvement
560
00:27:38,252 --> 00:27:40,295
with an 88-year-old leper.
561
00:27:40,379 --> 00:27:43,006
I was sure Fiona would
take me into her arms.
562
00:27:43,089 --> 00:27:46,175
- Honey, I'm home!
- Instead, she just took.
563
00:27:46,258 --> 00:27:48,218
I never liked this couch.
564
00:27:48,301 --> 00:27:49,970
Fi?
565
00:27:56,850 --> 00:27:58,268
Fiona, what have you done?
566
00:27:58,392 --> 00:28:01,270
- Why are you-
- You're getting off easy and you know it.
567
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:05,982
I don't understand.
I adore you.
568
00:28:06,064 --> 00:28:07,607
I want to make you my wife.
569
00:28:07,691 --> 00:28:11,945
It's like you've got
this lost, far-away look,
570
00:28:12,027 --> 00:28:14,238
like you're thinking about
the hundreds of other women
571
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,197
you plan to sleep with
before you die.
572
00:28:16,281 --> 00:28:18,032
Hundreds?
573
00:28:18,115 --> 00:28:19,283
70 at most.
574
00:28:19,366 --> 00:28:20,576
Keep going.
575
00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:24,913
You're the guy
who notices haircuts.
576
00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:27,915
- You never forget Valentine's Day.
- No.
577
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:30,667
You always have the right,
supportive thing to say,
578
00:28:30,749 --> 00:28:33,085
even if you don't mean it.
579
00:28:36,087 --> 00:28:39,007
You're not some evil,
sexist jerk, Rod.
580
00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:41,884
So who are you?
581
00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:43,719
I am someone that will
love and support you-
582
00:28:43,801 --> 00:28:45,344
Oh.
583
00:28:47,304 --> 00:28:49,055
It's not an oral exam.
584
00:28:52,141 --> 00:28:54,602
I'm going to get up
off this couch now.
585
00:28:55,977 --> 00:28:57,937
I'm going to walk to the door.
586
00:29:00,898 --> 00:29:03,400
Do I want you to stop me?
587
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,486
Yes.
588
00:29:06,568 --> 00:29:12,491
Just as my hand is on the knob,
589
00:29:12,573 --> 00:29:15,242
I want you to tackle me
590
00:29:15,325 --> 00:29:19,996
and hold me and tell me
that you can never let me go,
591
00:29:20,078 --> 00:29:22,289
while tears stream
down both our faces.
592
00:29:23,456 --> 00:29:26,417
But you better mean it, Rod.
593
00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:29,669
Because right now,
594
00:29:29,753 --> 00:29:30,962
you're just one
of the bigger mistakes
595
00:29:31,045 --> 00:29:32,963
I've ever made.
596
00:29:34,006 --> 00:29:36,592
But if you convince me to stay,
597
00:29:36,674 --> 00:29:42,597
and you can't back it up
with every inch of your soul,
598
00:29:42,678 --> 00:29:44,972
then you will be a true villain.
599
00:29:56,064 --> 00:29:57,774
- Good call, buddy!
- Ah!
600
00:29:57,857 --> 00:29:59,275
You made the right
decision, Mr. Blank,