Tip 2
Do not forget to tip the butanero – the man (and it will be a man) who throws those two-ton orange gas-bottles on his shoulder and climbs four flights of stairs when the lift is broken to deliver what may well be your main source of heating and fuel.
Tip 3
If it is your birthday, don't stand around grinning, waiting for someone to buy you a drink, or bounce jauntily into work expecting to be showered with goodies. Not only do the Spanish drive on the wrong side of the road, they've also got the whole birthday thing completely wrong.
It's your birthday, it's your shout. As if it's not bad enough chalking up another year, you have to treat your colleagues and friends to boot. If it's your child's birthday, make sure he /she takes a big bag of sweets to school to share with his / her classmates.
Tip 4
Do not go to the beach in August. Three quarters of the population of Spain and their families will be there, too. Along with several kitchen sinks. You will wait nine hours to get served at a restaurant, another nine hours for the food to arrive, plus two or three more before you get fed up waiting for the bill and do a 'sinpa' (ie a runner, from sin pagar - without paying).
Tip 5
Do not pop into the bank / gestor's office / estate agent / post office / mechanic's between 9.30 and 11 in the morning. There will be a queue and one over-worked, stressed-out, don't-you-dare-complain employee will be holding the fort.
Should you wish to see a specific somebody, you can be sure said somebody will be in the nearest bar, tucking into his/ her segundo desayuno (second breakfast). If you can't beat them, join them, and order a nice large café con leche with a torpedo-sized toasted roll drizzled in oil, rubbed with tomato and stuffed with ham / cheese / tuna/ tortilla / or any combination thereof.