12200:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,094But

122
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,094
But I still believed that Anna
was the true love of my life.

123
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:53,370
But then a month later,
Caroline flew to the States to see me,

124
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,033
and it was then that the trouble started.

125
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:59,043
You see,
Anna became jealous of Caroline

126
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:02,046
and insisted that I choose between them.

127
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,344
I didn't want to choose between them.

128
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,476
I wanted to be able to see them both.

129
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,248
But then Anna got
a summer internship in New York,

130
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,316
and Caroline and I ended up
spending the summer together.

131
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,624
Which is why when her visa expired.

132
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,326
I offered to marry her
so that she could stay in the States.

133
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:26,062
Now, I should probably explain
that I wasn't exactly the marrying type.

134
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:29,107
In fact, I was totally against marriage.

135
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:32,167
You see, I had grown up
during the Vietnam War

136
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:35,305
and I saw marriage as pat
of the same capitalist system

137
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,440
that had produced
the genocide in Vietnam.

138
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,178
(explosions)

139
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:45,384
(screaming)

140
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,824
But I was also influenced
by performance at...

141
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:48,986
(screaming)

142
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,087
... and by the idea of life itself
as a kind of performance piece.

143
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:58,466
And to me the institution of marriage
was so inherently absurd

144
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,666
that I tried to subvert it
by treating it as performance art.

145
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:02,833
I do.

146
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:06,606
Except that the joke,
as it turned out, was on me.

147
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:10,046
Because when Anna found out
that I had gotten married to Caroline,

148
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,107
she didn't take it so well.

149
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:13,742
(phone slams)

150
00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:16,014
And then I did something
incredibly dumb.

151
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:20,015
You see, Caroline and I were
about to run out of money...

152
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:26,598
... and the idea of having to get a job was,
in my mind, a fate worse than death.

153
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,134
The only occupation I was interested in

154
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:32,830
was that of famous filmmaker.

155
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,203
But the few experimental films
that I had made

156
00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:39,506
hadn't exactly been greeted
with enthusiasm by the film world.

157
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:43,505
(indistinct)

158
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,486
To remedy this situation,

159
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:55,789
I had recently written a script
about the French poet Arthur Rimbaud

160
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:58,853
which I was convinced
would revolutionize cinema...

161
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,933
... and which Caroline insisted it would
be easy to raise money for in France.

162
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:09,564
It will be easy to raise money
for this in France.

163
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:14,403
But moving to France
turned out to be a disaster.

164
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:20,176
Most of the film producers I approached
wouldn't even talk to me.

165
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:24,120
The few that did
just told me that I was nobody.

166
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,925
Meanwhile, my relationship
with Caroline had started to unravel.

167
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,462
(crying)

168
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:34,522
Caroline was insanely jealous of Anna
and would cry hysterically

169
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,125
whenever I would write her a letter
or talk to her on the phone.

170
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,727
Hi, how are you doing?

171
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,103
I was starting to feel trapped,
and it was hard not to blame Caroline

172
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:46,668
for having gotten in the way
of my relationship with Anna.

173
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,874
And then one day,
I got a letter from Anna

174
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,577
saying that she was going
to be in Amsterdam

175
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,052
and asking
if I would like to meet her there.

176
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,777
(crying)

177
00:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,187
I was ecstatic.

178
00:10:58,257 --> 00:11:01,784
I felt that I was finally being given a chance
to get back together with Anna.

179
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:07,058
But Caroline knew that if I left
I would never come back,

180
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,124
so she decided to jump out a window.

181
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,305
The thought of being responsible
for her death

182
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,170
- was way more guilt than I could handle.
- (siren wails)

183
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,211
- Caroline! Caroline!
- No! No!

184
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,644
(grunting)

185
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,410
So I agreed never to see Anna again.

186
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,151
It was by far the most
painful decision I ever made.

187
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,721
But I did it because years
of going to Sunday school

188
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:41,028
had taught me to equate virtue
with sacrifice.

189
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,762
- Can I come down?
- MAN: One more time.

190
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:50,036
I should probably also explain
that when I was in college

191
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,872
I had once asked my friend Arnold...

192
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,936
(coughs)

193
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:58,643
What's your, like, ultimate goal in life?

194
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,049
And he had said...

195
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,984
To be a saint.

196
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,045
I'd been blown away by his answer...

197
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,516
... and I decided that I too
would try to become a saint.

198
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,987
Which is why,
when Caroline asked me

199
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,627
to cut all ties with the only person
I had ever truly loved,

200
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,500
I agreed.

201
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,540
(ting)

202
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,906
When I found out much later

203
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,741
that Anna had gotten married
to someone else,

204
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,043
I was devastated.

205
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:35,110
I had still been secretly hoping that Caroline
and I would eventually break up

206
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,315
and that Anna and I
would one day get back together.

207
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,951
But now I realized that it was really over.

208
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:48,659
I tried my best to transcend my feelings

209
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:52,898
and to resign myself
to a life of quiet desperation.

210
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:56,169
But the truth is I was incredibly angry.

211
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,142
I was angry at God,

212
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,973
I was angry at Caroline,

213
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,536
and I was angry at myself.

214
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,812
But mostly I was angry at Caroline.

215
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,620
And then one day
I was walking down the street

216
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:14,420
when I saw... this prostitute.

217
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,191
There was something about her

218
00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:23,133
that turned me on in a way
that I had never been turned on before.

219
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,095
It was as if I had been hypnotized.

220
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,249
And then I suddenly found myself saying
something that I had never said before.

221
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,081
I said the words...

222
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:47,859
Now, I should probably explain that I had
always considered myself a feminist

223
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:51,363
and had even marched
in an anti-pornography rally once.

224
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,133
Which is why

225
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,533
when I suddenly found
myself saying the words...

226
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,867
...I half expected the prostitute
to run screaming...

227
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,101
(gasps)

228
00:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,003
... or to slap me in the face.

229
00:14:07,746 --> 00:14:12,274
The fact that she didn't,
but smiled instead and said...

230
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:15,945
... made my head spin.

231
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:35,236
Afterwards, I was a nervous wreck.

232
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,367
I couldn't get her out of my mind.

233
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,782
- CAROLINE: Hi.
- Hi.

234
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:07,930
I thought that if I masturbated,
I would get her out of my system.

235
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,842
But it didn't work.

236
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:17,137
So after several days
of compulsive masturbation,

237
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,741
I decided that I

النتائج (العربية) 1:

12200:07:44، 931--> 00:07:48، 094ولكن لا يزال يعتقد أن أن أناوكان الحب الحقيقي في حياتي.12300:07:49، 502--> 00:07:53، 370لكن بعد ذلك وبعد شهر،كارولين طار إلى الولايات لرؤيتي،12400:07:53، 439--> 00:07:56، 033ومن ثم أن الاضطرابات بدأت.12500:07:56، 108--> 00:07:59، 043أنت ترىأنا أصبحت الغيرة من كارولين12600:07:59، 111--> 00:08:02، 046وأصر على أن اختار بينهما.12700:08:02، 114--> 00:08:04، 344لم أكن أريد أن تختار بينهما.12800:08:04، 417--> 00:08:06، 476أردت أن تكون قادراً على رؤية كل منهم.12900:08:07، 620--> 00:08:10، 248ولكن بعد ذلك أنا حصلت علىالصيفي في نيويورك،13000:08:10، 323--> 00:08:14، 316وكارولين، وانتهىقضاء الصيف معا.13100:08:14، 393--> 00:08:17، 624وهو لماذا عندما انتهت تأشيرتها.13200:08:17، 697--> 00:08:21، 326وعرضت أن يتزوجهاذلك لأنها يمكن أن تبقى في الولايات.13300:08:21، 534--> 00:08:26، 062والآن، يجب أن اشرح ربماأنني لم أكن بالضبط نوع الزواج.13400:08:26، 138--> 00:08:29، 107وفي الواقع، كان تماما ضد الزواج.13500:08:29، 175--> 00:08:32، 167ترى، وقد نمتوخلال حرب فيتنام13600:08:32، 245--> 00:08:35، 305ورأيت الزواج كما باتالنظام الرأسمالي نفسه13700:08:35، 381--> 00:08:37، 440وقد ينتجالإبادة الجماعية في فيتنام.13800:08:37, 517--> 00:08:39، 178(التفجيرات)13900:08:44، 156--> 00:08:45، 384(يصرخ)14000:08:45، 458--> 00:08:47، 824ولكن أنا كما تأثربالأداء في...14100:08:47، 894--> 00:08:48، 986(يصرخ)14200:08:49، 061--> 00:08:52، 087.. ومن فكرة الحياة نفسهاكنوع من أداء قطعة.14300:08:54، 200--> 00:08:58، 466ولي مؤسسة الزواجوكان ذلك طبيعتها سخيفة14400:08:58، 538--> 00:09:01، 666أن حاولت أن تخرب عليهبمعاملتها كفنون الأداء.14500:09:01، 741--> 00:09:02، 833نعم.14600:09:02، 909--> 00:09:06، 606إلا أن النكتة،وكما اتضح، كان على لي.14700:09:06، 679--> 00:09:10، 046لأنه عندما اكتشفت أناوقد حصلت تزوجت إلى كارولين،14800:09:10، 116--> 00:09:12، 107وقالت أنها لم تأخذ ذلك جيدا.14900:09:12، 184--> 00:09:13، 742(ينتقد الهاتف)15000:09:13، 819--> 00:09:16، 014وبعد ذلك لم أكن شيئاغبية بشكل لا يصدق.15100:09:17، 490--> 00:09:20، 015كنت انظر، كارولين، وكانتوشك أن تنفد من المال...15200:09:21، 661--> 00:09:26، 598... وعلى فكرة وجود للحصول على وظيفة،في رأيي، هو مصير أسوأ من الموت.15300:09:27، 700--> 00:09:30، 134الاحتلال الوحيد كان مهتما15400:09:30، 202--> 00:09:32، 830كان المخرج الشهير.15500:09:32، 905--> 00:09:35، 203لكن بعض الأفلام التجريبيةأن كنت قد قدمت15600:09:35، 274--> 00:09:39، 506لم أكن قد تم استقباله بالضبطمع حماسة بالعالم الفيلم.15700:09:40، 513--> 00:09:43، 505(indistinct)15800:09:49,689 --> 00:09:51,486To remedy this situation,15900:09:51,557 --> 00:09:55,789I had recently written a scriptabout the French poet Arthur Rimbaud16000:09:55,861 --> 00:09:58,853which I was convincedwould revolutionize cinema...16100:10:01,634 --> 00:10:04,933... and which Caroline insisted it wouldbe easy to raise money for in France.16200:10:06,072 --> 00:10:09,564It will be easy to raise moneyfor this in France.16300:10:10,876 --> 00:10:14,403But moving to Franceturned out to be a disaster.16400:10:15,648 --> 00:10:20,176Most of the film producers I approachedwouldn't even talk to me.16500:10:20,252 --> 00:10:24,120The few that didjust told me that I was nobody.16600:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,925Meanwhile, my relationshipwith Caroline had started to unravel.16700:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,462(crying)16800:10:30,529 --> 00:10:34,522Caroline was insanely jealous of Annaand would cry hysterically16900:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,125whenever I would write her a letteror talk to her on the phone.17000:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,727Hi, how are you doing?17100:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,103I was starting to feel trapped,and it was hard not to blame Caroline17200:10:42,174 --> 00:10:46,668for having gotten in the wayof my relationship with Anna.17300:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,874And then one day,I got a letter from Anna17400:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,577saying that she was goingto be in Amsterdam17500:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,052and askingif I would like to meet her there.17600:10:55,788 --> 00:10:56,777(crying)17700:10:56,856 --> 00:10:58,187I was ecstatic.17800:10:58,257 --> 00:11:01,784I felt that I was finally being given a chanceto get back together with Anna.17900:11:02,928 --> 00:11:07,058But Caroline knew that if I leftI would never come back,18000:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,124so she decided to jump out a window.18100:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,305The thought of being responsiblefor her death18200:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,170- was way more guilt than I could handle.- (siren wails)18300:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,211- Caroline! Caroline!- No! No!18400:11:19,278 --> 00:11:21,644(grunting)18500:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,410So I agreed never to see Anna again.18600:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,151It was by far the mostpainful decision I ever made.18700:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,721But I did it because yearsof going to Sunday school18800:11:37,797 --> 00:11:41,028had taught me to equate virtuewith sacrifice.18900:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,762- Can I come down?- MAN: One more time.19000:11:45,838 --> 00:11:50,036I should probably also explainthat when I was in college19100:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,872I had once asked my friend Arnold...19200:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,936(coughs)19300:11:55,014 --> 00:11:58,643What's your, like, ultimate goal in life?19400:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,049And he had said...19500:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,984To be a saint.19600:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,045I'd been blown away by his answer...19700:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,516... and I decided that I toowould try to become a saint.19800:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,987Which is why,when Caroline asked me19900:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,627to cut all ties with the only personI had ever truly loved,20000:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,500I agreed.20100:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,540(ting)20200:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,906When I found out much later20300:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,741that Anna had gotten marriedto someone else,20400:12:27,813 --> 00:12:30,043I was devastated.20500:12:30,116 --> 00:12:35,110I had still been secretly hoping that Carolineand I would eventually break up20600:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,315and that Anna and Iwould one day get back together.20700:12:38,390 --> 00:12:41,951But now I realized that it was really over.20800:12:46,031 --> 00:12:48,659I tried my best to transcend my feelings20900:12:48,734 --> 00:12:52,898and to resign myselfto a life of quiet desperation.21000:12:52,972 --> 00:12:56,169But the truth is I was incredibly angry.21100:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,142I was angry at God,21200:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,973I was angry at Caroline,21300:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,536and I was angry at myself.21400:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,812But mostly I was angry at Caroline.21500:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,620And then one dayI was walking down the street21600:13:10,689 --> 00:13:14,420when I saw... this prostitute.21700:13:17,997 --> 00:13:19,191There was something about her21800:13:19,265 --> 00:13:23,133that turned me on in a waythat I had never been turned on before.21900:13:24,570 --> 00:13:27,095It was as if I had been hypnotized.22000:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,249And then I suddenly found myself sayingsomething that I had never said before.22100:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,081I said the words...22200:13:42,922 --> 00:13:47,859Now, I should probably explain that I hadalways considered myself a feminist22300:13:47,927 --> 00:13:51,363and had even marchedin an anti-pornography rally once.22400:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,133Which is why22500:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,533when I suddenly foundmyself saying the words...22600:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,867...I half expected the prostituteto run screaming...22700:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,101(gasps)22800:14:04,376 --> 00:14:06,003... or to slap me in the face.22900:14:07,746 --> 00:14:12,274The fact that she didn't,but smiled instead and said...23000:14:14,887 --> 00:14:15,945... made my head spin.23100:14:31,971 --> 00:14:35,236Afterwards, I was a nervous wreck.23200:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,367I couldn't get her out of my mind.23300:14:52,258 --> 00:14:53,782- CAROLINE: Hi.- Hi.23400:15:03,869 --> 00:15:07,930I thought that if I masturbated,I would get her out of my system.23500:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,842But it didn't work.23600:15:13,178 --> 00:15:17,137So after several daysof compulsive masturbation,23700:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,741I decided that I

النتائج (العربية) 2:

122
00: 07: 44931 -> 00: 07: 48094 لكنني لا يزال يعتقد أن آنا كان الحب الحقيقي في حياتي. 123 00: 07: 49502 -> 00: 07: 53370 ولكن بعد ذلك في وقت لاحق من شهر، طار كارولين إلى الولايات لرؤيتي، 124 00: 07: 53439 -> 00: 07: 56033، وكان بعد ذلك أن المشكلة بدأت. 125 00: 07: 56108 -> 00: 07: 59043 ترى، أصبحت آنا غيور كارولين 126 00: 07: 59111 -> 00: 08: 02046 وأصر على أن تختار بينهما. 127 00: 08: 02114 -> 00: 08: 04344. لم أكن أريد أن تختار بينهما 128 00 : 08: 04417 -> 00: 08: 06476 أردت أن تكون قادرا على رؤية لهم على حد سواء. 129 00: 08: 07620 -> 00: 08: 10248 ولكن بعد ذلك آنا حصلت على تدريب صيفي في نيويورك، 130 00: 08: 10323 -> 00: 08: 14316 وكارولين وانتهى بي الأمر قضاء الصيف معا. 131 00: 08: 14393 -> 00: 08: 17،624. وهذا هو السبب عندما انتهت تأشيرتها 132 00: 08: 17697 -> 00: 08: 21326 عرضت أن يتزوجها حتى أنها يمكن أن تبقى في الولايات المتحدة. 133 00: 08: 21534 -> 00: 08: 26062 الآن، يجب علي أن أشرح أنني لم أكن بالضبط الزواج . نوع 134 00: 08: 26138 -> 00: 08: 29107 في الواقع، كنت تماما ضد الزواج. 135 00: 08: 29175 -> 00: 08: 32167 ترى، كنت قد كبروا خلال حرب فيتنام 136 00: 08: 32245 -> 00: 08: 35305 ورأيت الزواج بات من نفس النظام الرأسمالي 137 00: 08: 35381 -> 00: 08: 37440 التي تنتجها. الإبادة الجماعية في فيتنام 138 00: 08: 37517 -> 00: 08: 39178 (الانفجارات) 139 00: 08: 44156 -> 00: 08: 45384 (الصراخ) 140 00: 08: 45458 -> 00: 08: 47824 ولكن تأثر أنا أيضا بواسطة الأداء في ... 141 00: 08: 47894 -> 00: 08: 48986 (الصراخ) 142 00: 08: 49061 -> 00: 08: 52087 ... وفكرة الحياة نفسها كنوع من الأدائي. 143 00: 08: 54200 -> 00: 08: 58466 وبالنسبة لي مؤسسة الزواج كان ذلك السخيفة بطبيعتها 144 00: 08: 58538 -> 00: 09: 01666 أنني حاولت تخريب ذلك من قبل علاج أنها فن الأداء. 145 00: 09: 01741 -> 00: 09: 02833 أفعل. 146 00: 09: 02909 -> 00: 09: 06606 إلا أن نكتة، كما اتضح فيما بعد، وكان لي . 147 00: 09: 06679 -> 00: 09: 10،046 لأنه عندما وجدت آنا من أن كنت قد تزوجت لكارولين، 148 00: 09: 10116 -> 00: 09: 12107 انها لم تأخذ ذلك جيدا . 149 00: 09: 12184 -> 00: 09: 13742 (ينتقد الهاتف) 150 00: 09: 13819 -> 00: 09: 16014 ثم فعلت شيئا. البكم بشكل لا يصدق 151 00: 09: 17490 -> 00: 09: 20،015 ترى، كانت كارولين وأنا على وشك أن تنفد من المال ... 152 00: 09: 21661 -> 00: 09: 26598 ... وفكرة الحاجة إلى الحصول على وظيفة كانت، في ذهني، وهو مصير أسوأ من الموت. 153 00: 09: 27،700 -> 00: 30134: 09 الاول هو الاحتلال الوحيد مهتمون 154 00: 09: 30202 -> 00: 09: 32830 وكان هذا المخرج الشهير. 155 00: 09: 32905 -> 00: 09: 35203 ولكن عدد قليل من الأفلام التجريبية التي كنت قد قدمت 156 00: 09: 35274 -> 00: 09: 39506 لم بالضبط تم استقبال مع الحماس من قبل عالم السينما. 157 00: 09: 40513 -> 00: 09: 43505 (غير واضحة) 158 00: 09: 49689 -> 00: 09: 51486 ولمعالجة هذا الوضع، 159 00: 09: 51557 -> 00: 09: 55789 كنت قد كتبت مؤخرا برنامج نصي عن الشاعر الفرنسي آرثر رامبو 160 00: 09: 55861 -> 00: 09: 58853 وأنا مقتنع أن تحدث ثورة في السينما ... 161 00: 10: 01634 -> 00: 10: 04933 ... والذي أصر كارولين سيكون. من السهل جمع أموال لفي فرنسا 162 00: 10: 06072 -> 00: 10: 09564 وسوف يكون من السهل جمع المال. لهذا في فرنسا 163 00: 10: 10876 -> 00: 10: 14403 ولكن الانتقال إلى فرنسا تحولت إلى كارثة. 164 00: 10: 15648 -> 00: 10: 20176 معظم منتجي الأفلام اقتربت. لن حتى التحدث معي 165 00 : 10: 20252 -> 00: 10: 24،120 الدول القليلة التي لم قال لي مجرد أنني كنت أحد. 166 00: 10: 25،558 -> 00: 10: 28925 وفي الوقت نفسه، علاقة لي. وكان مع كارولين بدأت في الانهيار 167 00: 10: 28995 -> 00: 10: 30462 (البكاء) 168 00: 10: 30529 -> 00: 10: 34522 كانت كارولين غيور بجنون آنا وسوف تبكي بشكل هستيري 169 00: 10: 34،600 -> 00 : 10: 37125 كلما أود أن أكتب لها رسالة أو الحديث معها على الهاتف. 170 00: 10: 37203 -> 00: 10: 38727 مرحبا، كيف حالك؟ 171 00: 10: 38804 -> 00 : 10: 42103 كنت قد بدأت أشعر المحاصرين، وكان من الصعب عدم توجيه اللوم كارولين 172 00: 10: 42174 -> 00: 10: 46668 لأنها حصلت في الطريق. علاقتي مع آنا 173 00:10: 46746 -> 00: 10: 49874 ثم يوم واحد، حصلت على رسالة من آنا 174 00: 10: 49949 -> 00: 10: 52577 قائلا أنها كانت تسير ليكون في أمستردام 175 00: 10: 52652 - -> 00: 10: 55052 ويسأل إذا كنت ترغب في مقابلتها هناك. 176 00: 10: 55788 -> 00: 10: 56777 (البكاء) 177 00: 10: 56856 -> 00: 10: 58187 I كان بنشوة. 178 00: 10: 58257 -> 00: 11: 01784 شعرت بأنني أخيرا أن يحصل على فرصة لنعود معا مع آنا. 179 00: 11: 02928 -> 00: 11: 07058 لكن كارولين يعرف أنه إذا تركت أنا لن أعود، 180 00: 11: 07133 -> 00: 11: 09124 حتى انها قررت القفز من نافذة. 181 00: 11: 11،337 -> 00: 11: 13305 فكر بالمسؤولية عن وفاتها 182 00: 11: 13،372 -> 00: 11: 16،170 - كان الطريق أكثر بالذنب مما كنت يمكن التعامل - (عويل صفارات الإنذار) 183 00: 11: 16،242 -> 00: 11: 19211 - كارولين! كارولين! - لا! لا! 184 00: 11: 19278 -> 00: 11: 21644 (الشخير) 185 00: 11: 21714 -> 00: 11: 24410 لذا وافقت أبدا أن نرى آنا مرة أخرى. 186 00: 11: 31057 - > 00: 11: 34151 كان حتى الآن أكثر القرار المؤلم في حياتي. 187 00: 11: 35161 -> 00: 11: 37721 ولكن فعلت ذلك لسنوات من الذهاب إلى المدرسة الأحد 188 00: 11: 37797 - -> 00: 11: 41028 قد علمني أن نساوي بين الفضيلة والتضحية. 189 00: 11: 43202 -> 00: 11: 45762 - هل يمكنني النزول؟ - MAN: واحد مزيد من الوقت 190 00: 11: 45838 - -> 00: 11: 50036 وربما ينبغي أن يفسر أيضا أنه عندما كنت في الكلية 191 00: 11: 50109 -> 00: 11: 51872 كنت قد طلبت مرة واحدة يا صديقي أرنولد ... 192 00: 11: 51944 - > 00: 11: 54936 (السعال) 193 00: 11: 55014 -> 00: 11: 58643 ما هو الخاص بك، مثل، الهدف النهائي في الحياة؟ 194 00: 11: 58718 -> 00: 12: 00049 وكان له وقال ... 195 00: 12: 00119 -> 00: 12: 01984 ليكون قديسا. 196 00: 12: 02054 -> 00: 12: 04045 كنت قد مهب جوابه ... 197 00: 12: 05524 -> 00: 12: 08516 ... وقررت أنني أيضا سيحاول أن يصبح قديسا. 198 00: 12: 10529 -> 00: 12: 13987 وهذا هو السبب، عندما سئل كارولين لي 199 00: 12: 14066 -> 00: 12: 17627 بقطع كل العلاقات مع الشخص الوحيد الذي كنت قد أي وقت مضى أحب حقا، 200 00: 12: 17703 -> 00: 12: 19،500. وافقت 201 00:12 : 19572 -> 00: 12: 21540 (تينغ) 202 00: 12: 23075 -> 00: 12: 24906 عندما اكتشفت بعد ذلك بكثير 203 00: 12: 24977 -> 00: 12: 27741 أن آنا كان تزوجت لشخص آخر، 204 00: 12: 27813 -> 00: 12: 30043 شعرت بحزن. 205 00: 12: 30116 -> 00: 12: 35110 أنا كانت لا تزال تأمل سرا أن كارولين وأود في نهاية المطاف تفريق 206 00: 12: 35187 -> 00: 12: 38315 وأن آنا وأنا في يوم من الأيام نعود معا. 207 00: 12: 38390 -> 00: 12: 41951 ولكن الآن أدركت أنه كان حقا . أكثر من 208 00: 12: 46031 -> 00: 12: 48659 حاولت قصارى جهدي لتجاوز مشاعري 209 00: 12: 48734 -> 00: 12: 52898 والاستقالة نفسي. لحياة اليأس هادئا 210 00: 12: 52972 -> 00: 12: 56169 ولكن الحقيقة هي أنني كنت غاضبا للغاية. 211 00: 12: 56242 -> 00: 12: 58142 كنت غاضبا من الله، 212 00: 12: 58210 - > 00: 12: 59973 كنت غاضبا من كارولين، 213 00: 13: 00045 -> 00: 13: 02536 وكنت غاضبا من نفسي. 214 00: 13: 02615 -> 00: 13: 05812 ولكن في الغالب I كان غاضبا على كارولين. 215 00: 13: 07219 -> 00: 13: 10620 ثم يوم واحد كان يسير في الشارع 216 00: 13: 10689 -> 00: 13: 14420 عندما رأيت هذا ... . عاهرة 217 00: 13: 17997 -> 00: 13: 19191 كان هناك شيء عنها 218 00: 13: 19،265 -> 00: 13: 23133 والتي تحولت لي على بطريقة أن لم يسبق لي أن تم تشغيله قبل . 219 00: 13: 24،570 -> 00: 13: 27095 كان كما لو كنت قد منوم. 220 00: 13: 34880 -> 00: 13: 39249 وبعد ذلك وجدت نفسي فجأة قائلا أنه لا بد لي أبدا وقال قبل. 221 00: 13: 39318 -> 00: 13: 41081 قلت الكلمات ... 222 00: 13: 42922 -> 00: 13: 47859 الآن، يجب علي أن أشرح أنني قد اعتبرت نفسي دائما نسوية 223 00: 13: 47927 -> 00: 13: 51363 وكان حتى سار في مسيرة مناهضة للإباحية مرة واحدة. 224 00: 13: 53666 -> 00: 13: 55133 وهذا هو السبب 225 00:13: 55201 -> 00: 13: 57533 عندما وجدت فجأة نفسي قائلا الكلمات ... 226 00: 13: 59171 -> 00: 14: 01867 ... أنا نصف المتوقع البغي لتشغيل يصرخ ... 227 00 : 14: 01941 -> 00: 14: 03101 (صيحات) 228 00: 14: 04376 -> 00: 14: 06003 ... أو لصفعة على وجهي. 229 00: 14: 07746 -> 00 : 14: 12274 والحقيقة أنها لم تكن، ولكن بدلا من ذلك ابتسم وقال ... 230 00: 14: 14887 -> 00: 14: 15945 ... جعل رأسي يدور 231 00: 14: 31971 - > 00: 14: 35236 بعد ذلك، كنت حطام عصبي. 232 00: 14: 37376 -> 00: 14: 39367 أنا لا يمكن أن يحصل لها من ذهني. 233 00: 14: 52258 -> 00: 14: 53782 - كارولين: مرحبا - مرحبا 234 00: 15: 03869 -> 00: 15: 07930 فكرت أنني إذا استمنى، وأود أن أحصل لها للخروج من نظام بلدي. 235 00: 15: 08874 -> 00: 15: 10842 لكنها لم تنجح. 236 00: 15: 13178 -> 00: 15: 17،137 وذلك بعد عدة أيام من الاستمناء القهري، 237 00: 15: 17216 -> 00: 15: 19741 قررت أنني