241
00:12:20,689 --> 00:12:22,065
Wow. He's a good-looking kid.
242
00:12:22,148 --> 00:12:23,469
He's gonna break a lot of hearts.
243
00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:25,735
Yes! Yes!
244
00:12:25,818 --> 00:12:28,279
- Yes!
- Goddammit! Harder!
245
00:12:28,361 --> 00:12:30,113
So are you planning on
having kids with your wife?
246
00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:31,196
Well, definitely. Yeah.
247
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,490
But you know, right now, we can't even
agree on what kind of dog to-
248
00:12:33,574 --> 00:12:35,242
Whoa! Precious,
I told you I don't want
249
00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:36,659
to cross the line of-
250
00:12:36,743 --> 00:12:38,286
Whoa!
251
00:12:38,368 --> 00:12:39,745
Oh, gosh.
252
00:12:39,828 --> 00:12:41,329
I'm so sorry.
253
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:43,165
I honestly thought
you were kidding about
254
00:12:43,247 --> 00:12:45,124
all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff.
255
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,168
Can you blame me for the confusion?
256
00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,377
Well, just because I'm giving you
257
00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:50,962
a standing ovation, my darling,
258
00:12:51,045 --> 00:12:53,380
doesn't mean that we
have to, you know-I-
259
00:12:53,464 --> 00:12:55,424
- I think we better-
- Got it.
260
00:12:55,506 --> 00:12:57,300
That's what I'm talking about.
Doin' it-
261
00:12:57,383 --> 00:13:00,094
Hey, I don't want you to take
any of this personally.
262
00:13:00,177 --> 00:13:01,428
I just-you know.
263
00:13:01,511 --> 00:13:04,306
Goddamn, what kind
of condom is this?
264
00:13:04,388 --> 00:13:05,556
Your fiancée is lucky.
265
00:13:05,639 --> 00:13:07,266
She's got one of the good ones.
266
00:13:07,348 --> 00:13:09,149
I wish I was more into
successful white dudes,
267
00:13:09,225 --> 00:13:10,393
but, um-
268
00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:12,353
two broke Latin husbands, and-
269
00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:13,771
Jesus, stop me.
270
00:13:13,854 --> 00:13:16,398
Anyway, man, gracias.
Seriously.
271
00:13:16,481 --> 00:13:17,815
Gracias?
272
00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:20,943
Um, Precious, your real name
273
00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:23,779
wouldn't happen to be Carlotta...
274
00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:26,781
Valdes?
275
00:13:26,863 --> 00:13:28,031
How did y-
276
00:13:28,114 --> 00:13:29,908
Who told you that?
277
00:13:29,991 --> 00:13:33,078
Um, I think your bodyguard
might have mentioned it.
278
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,330
Like that asshole
knows my real name.
279
00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:39,749
So, you staying back there, or...
280
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,584
Why is it so quiet in there?
281
00:13:44,418 --> 00:13:46,420
Carlotta Valdes.
282
00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:48,088
Number 30.
283
00:13:48,171 --> 00:13:51,341
This was more than
a bachelor party trick,
284
00:13:51,423 --> 00:13:54,051
more than a loyalty test.
285
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:55,927
This was sex.
286
00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:58,012
And I had a print-out.
287
00:13:59,554 --> 00:14:02,140
I was in the throes of
a sacrilegious epiphany,
288
00:14:02,223 --> 00:14:04,767
in possession of
a magical document
289
00:14:04,850 --> 00:14:07,728
that promised
an embarrassment of bitches.
290
00:14:07,811 --> 00:14:09,562
And yet, did it
void my earlier,
291
00:14:09,646 --> 00:14:12,232
rather impassioned soliloquy
about how it's time?
292
00:14:12,314 --> 00:14:14,358
To settle down?
To marry Fiona?
293
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,901
Right then, I nobly revowed
294
00:14:16,984 --> 00:14:18,695
my eternal resistance
to other women.
295
00:14:18,777 --> 00:14:20,779
Remember how freaked out you were
when you first noticed
296
00:14:20,862 --> 00:14:23,532
the centerfold was
younger than you?
297
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,367
Ah, yes, the...
298
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,119
central trauma of
every American male.
299
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:32,121
Look at this baby.
300
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,373
And I mean baby.
301
00:14:34,455 --> 00:14:38,918
Born in 1984. 1984.
302
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,378
My life was, like, done by '84.
303
00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:44,840
- What are her turn-ons?
- Mmm...
304
00:14:44,922 --> 00:14:47,717
Pudding, air hockey,
and pudding.
305
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:50,802
Bimbo said "pudding" twice.
306
00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:54,638
I do like air hockey.
307
00:14:54,721 --> 00:14:57,390
"Cynthia Rose is
looking for a man
308
00:14:57,473 --> 00:15:01,394
who's confident, successful,
with a nice set of abs."
309
00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,895
Well, zero out of three ain't bad.
310
00:15:03,978 --> 00:15:06,022
What did you say her name was?
311
00:15:07,731 --> 00:15:10,567
Cynthia Rose.
312
00:15:10,649 --> 00:15:11,775
Nice.
313
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:16,363
Oh...
314
00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:17,655
Thank you.
315
00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:20,408
Dude, you're not
gonna buy the issue?
316
00:15:27,579 --> 00:15:30,081
You look like a Carl.
Can I call you Carl?
317
00:15:30,164 --> 00:15:31,832
You talking to me?
318
00:15:31,957 --> 00:15:35,419
You ever fantasize
about escaping, Carl?
319
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,337
Escaping this land,
320
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,922
this magical land
of the newsstand,
321
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:43,008
where all the girls
are right about
322
00:15:43,132 --> 00:15:46,510
to pull off their panties,
but they never quite do.
323
00:15:48,094 --> 00:15:50,430
Must be kind of frustrating.
324
00:15:50,512 --> 00:15:52,431
Look, if you don't like
the merchandise, babe,
325
00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:53,766
pssht!
326
00:15:56,184 --> 00:15:58,311
Found this on your dashboard.
327
00:15:59,603 --> 00:16:01,605
It's a unique color.
328
00:16:01,688 --> 00:16:05,025
Kinda like the one
the Parkside Peeper wears.
329
00:16:06,191 --> 00:16:08,026
Wait. Uh...
330
00:16:08,109 --> 00:16:09,944
Look, I have a disease.
331
00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:11,445
- Okay?
- Okay.
332
00:16:11,528 --> 00:16:13,447
And you could say that
I, too, am a victim,
333
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,240
- because-
- Hey! No. Carl.
334
00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:17,200
Don't get me wrong.
335
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:18,576
I think it's kinda hot.
336
00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:22,537
I mean, how would I know
you were watching
337
00:16:22,662 --> 00:16:25,706
if I wasn't watching you?
338
00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:29,502
Wha-You've been
peeping on me peeping?
339
00:16:29,584 --> 00:16:31,378
Mm-hmm.
340
00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,629
Oh. That is hot.
341
00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:35,506
Wait, I c-
342
00:16:35,588 --> 00:16:36,788
I can't tell if you're playing
343
00:16:36,798 --> 00:16:39,425
some feminazi mindfuck game on me
344
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:42,302
or if you're really trying to seduce me.
345
00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:47,598
Well, Carl, why don't we go back
to my hotel and find out?
346
00:16:48,848 --> 00:16:51,601
Pussy is da' bomb. No?
347
00:16:52,851 --> 00:16:55,104
This is a joke, right?
348
00:16:56,771 --> 00:16:59,732
Ten seconds on
the shot clock, Kobe.
349
00:17:02,191 --> 00:17:04,527
Come on! I-
350
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:06,904
- This stuff only happens in the movies-
- Five-
351
00:17:06,987 --> 00:17:09,698
I'm the only one
working this shift, I-
352
00:17:09,781 --> 00:17:11,282
Get out of here.
353
00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:13,534
Are you gay?
354
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:16,745
Are you impotent?
355
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:19,205
Or are you just chicken?
356
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:35,383
Honey?
357
00:17:35,466 --> 00:17:36,551
Sweetie, look.
358
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:38,553
Your tuxedo.
359
00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:46,767
- Rod?
- Perhaps it wasn't
360
00:17:46,850 --> 00:17:48,977
time after all.